31: Showstopper

Hellbent

Chapter 31

Showstopper

Jaclyn paced in her bedroom with a cigarette as her record player spun love song hits from the 1950s. She resembled a soap drama actress from a bygone era in her red velvet gown with frilly red tulle draped around her neck.

Jaclyn: “Oh, I am but a damsel in distress!”

She cried into her handkerchief.

Jaclyn: “How COULD he do this to ME?!”

She huffed, dramatically kicking over her Tiffany lamp.

Jaclyn: “How could he abandon me at a time like this?!”

She huffed, stamping her heels on the hardwood floors.

Jaclyn: “At a time when I need new ruby reds?!”

She snapped, throwing the latest catalogue at her wardrobe's vast collection of shoes.

Jaclyn: “He ruined my Christmas, and now he's going to ruin my New Year's Eve!”

She wailed, kicking up her heels.

Jaclyn furiously marched over to the vintage phone on her bedside table, digging her long, manicured red nail in the rotary dial. She held the phone up to her ear, tapping her nails as she waited with an impatient huff.

Jaclyn: “WHERE ARE YOU?!”

She screamed into the phone.

Jaclyn: “SWANTON?!”

She screeched in an outrage.

Jaclyn: “Fatley?!”

She paused, and her mouth hung wide open.

Jaclyn: “YOU TOOK THAT FAT LITTLE PEASANT WITH YOU BUT NOT ME?!”

She wailed into the phone, on the verge of tears.

Jaclyn: “I don’t CARE if that fat cow ruined your Christmas! You were supposed to be taking ME and showering ME with gifts!”

She snapped into the phone, holding her finger nail up.

Jaclyn: “You BETTER make my New Year's or this is OVER!”

She slammed the phone on the receiver.

The music shifted to a sombre note, and she heaved a dramatic sigh as if she were in a movie.

Jaclyn: “Men don’t know how to be men anymore. They only want one thing.”

She sobbed and dropped onto her sofa with a dramatic sigh. She picked up a romance novel from the table, embracing it in her arms.

Jaclyn: “Oh, Lorenzo Diamantopolous! You would never disappoint me!”

She cooed at the swarthy Greek man on the cover of her romance novel. His long, dark hair blew in the wind, and his shirt was ripped open, holding a slim woman with crimson red hair in his arms, resembling her.

Jaclyn: “You know how to be a man. You know how to treat a woman.”

She sighed, stroking the cover with a forlorn sigh.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Jaclyn swung her gaze to the door and rose to answer. When she opened the door, she was swept off her feet at the sight of the handsome man standing before her.

Jaclyn: “May I help you?”

She stammered, her heart beating in her chest. Lazaros gave her a courteous smile. His long black, midnight tresses blew in the wind, captivating her.

Lazaros: “Greetings! I found your ad in the paper, and I require you to make an outfit.”

He said excitedly. Jaclyn smiled widely at him, staring at his clothing and Ferrari.

Jaclyn: “Well, you’ve come to the right place. Come in!”

She stepped aside to let him inside. She eyed him closely and grinned widely. Oh my! My handsome knight with the shining wallet has appeared, she thought as she flicked her gaze to his Ferrari outside. Lazaros entered her house and turned to face her.

Lazaros: “I have the sizes written down, and I think you can work out the measurements from those.”

He stated, handing her a paper with sizes sixteen to eighteen. Jaclyn’s eyes widened at the sizes written down.

Jaclyn: “Oh? That size is much too large for you. I know my sizing, and you are so very wrong. You’re a medium size.”

She smugly corrected him.

Lazaros: “Oh, it’s not for me. I have so many clothes. No, this is for a special someone in my life.”

He smiled and reddened. Jaclyn scoffed. What? His mother? She thought to herself.

Jaclyn: “Is that so?”

She gave him a half-lidded stare, resting her heels on the table. Lazaros looked away with disgust. Did I make a mistake? He wondered.

Jaclyn: “So, handsome… what do you do for a living?”

She purred and checked out his Ferrari out the window. Lazaros shifted his eyes.

Lazaros: “I’m a world-traveling chef.”

He said quickly. Jaclyn’s eyes widened. A chef? Just like my dear Lorenzo… she thought.

Jaclyn: “A vegan chef, I hope.”

She quirked an eyebrow. Lazaros gaped at her.

Lazaros: “No, I’m a masterchef. I make almost anything.”

He now understood why his brother, Deimos, hated small talk. He was half-tempted to walk out and go elsewhere.

Jaclyn: “Well, how about you make my day and give me a foot massage?”

She purred, slipping her heels off and resting her large feet on his lap. Her toenails were painted bright red to match her fingernails and gave off a vinegary, cheesy odor.

Jaclyn: “Lucky for you, you’ve met someone truly special in your life now.”

She gestured to herself. Lazaros inhaled the intense stink and bolted away from her.

Lazaros: “On second thought, I don’t want to work with you. I am taken, and this is already getting really awkward. I’ll take my business elsewhere.”

He coughed and gagged at her footstink. Jaclyn’s eyes widened, taken aback by his statement, snapping her out of her fantasy daze.

Jaclyn: “...WHAT?! Awkward?! Taken?! BY WHO?!”

She gasped, cupping her mouth.

Lazaros: “Mind investing in some foot deodorizers?!”

He fanned his face. Jaclyn furrowed her eyes at him.

Jaclyn: “EXCUSE ME?! HOW DARE YOU! MY FEET DON’T STINK!”

She shrirked.

Lazaros: “I’m taken by ASHLEY SABATINI! Sorry, you’re noseblind to your own stink!”

He gagged and started to walk out. Jaclyn’s heart sank.

Jaclyn: “...Ashley Sabatini?!”

She gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes into slits.

Jaclyn: “ That FAT LITTLE PEASANT?!”

She shrieked. Her face flared up bright red to match her hair.

Lazaros: “Yes, that ‘fat little peasant’ was who I wanted you to make clothes for, but now I don’t. Farewell, thanks for wasting my time.”

He snapped and bolted out of the door to his car. Jaclyn trembled with rage as he sped off.

Jaclyn marched back into her bedroom and screamed.

Jaclyn: “That FAT LITTLE PEASANT IS RUINING MY LIFE!”

She wailed and sobbed, picking up her pillows and cushions and throwing them around the room.

Jaclyn: “I will DESTROY it!”

She screamed, stabbing her pillows with her long red nails.

~

Later that day, at the ‘Valley Peaks’ resort, Lazaros was working in the kitchen. The bands were gathering and getting ready to go to MetallogazmFest. He noticed Ashley hadn’t been around to see him, eat, or watch him work, which is very unlike them. Perhaps they’re not feeling well, he thought.

Celeste and Jaxon sat together at the buffet, stealing each other’s burgers from each other’s plates. She stole all his pickles and tomatoes from his burger and ate them, grinning at him. Jaxon laughed at her and leaned over her plate, stealing her fries.

Celeste: “I’m going to tickle you if you keep doing that.”

She smirked.

Jaxon: “You started it!”

He blew her a raspberry, leaning over the table to tickle her sides. Celeste burst out laughing.

Celeste: “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

She laughed and squirmed. Jaxon smiled down at her, wrapping his arms around her. She looked up at him with her violet eyes.

Lazaros wrung his hands and approached them.

Celeste: “Deimos is fine.”

She said quickly to him.

Lazaros: “No, not asking about Deimos. Have either of you seen Ashley?”

Celeste: “No.”

She said tersely. Jaxon shook his head.

Jaxon: “Nope! Maybe they’re already at Metallogazm waiting for us?”

He shrugged and rose to his feet, turning to Celeste and taking her hand.

Jaxon: “Finish your burger, babe, and let’s go mosh!”

She gulped her burger down and rose.

Lazaros: “Why would they be there?”

He asked him. Jaxon laughed at him.

Jaxon: “To see the best band ever, of course?”

He grinned smugly.

Lazaros: “Metal is the worst genre ever. They would not see that!”

He huffed. Jaxon’s face crumpled.

Celeste: “Okay, he’s starting.”

Jaxon: “EXCUSE ME?! How could you say that?! It’s the best!”

He gaped at him, crossing his arms across his chest.

Lazaros: “Because it IS garbage and trite!”

He said smugly. Celeste rolled her eyes. Jaxon glared at him.

Jaxon: “How DARE you! My band is AMAZING!”

He said smugly, waving his finger at him.

Lazaros: “No, it’s not. MY brother wasted his life on this trash, and this is why he’s unsuccessful so I will try to win his trust back!”

He blurted. Jaxon glared at him.

Jaxon: “Whatever! Maybe Ashley ran away from you, buzzkill!”

He scoffed and laughed bitterly at him.

Celste: “Ashley is attached to his ass, Jax. I think they got stuck in traffic or something. Look, Deimos and Tristan dealt with his crap and it gets nowhere. Let’s go, hon.”

She held his arm and leaned into it. Jaxon grinned at her and draped his arm around her. Lazaros’ heart sank at what she said about Deimos.

Jaxon: “Alright, let’s go, babe!”

He kissed her purple lips.

Jaxon: “If you’ll excuse me, I got a crowd waiting for me to please!”

He said smugly, draping his arm around Celeste and walking out with her to the tour bus.

Lazaros heaved a deep sigh. There is no way Ashley is watching that garbage, he thought. Something else is amiss, he added.

~

Blake and Andreas arrived together at Metallogazmfest. Blake dressed in a black ‘Possessed Pestilence’ tank top and jeans. He held his arm around Andreas, who wore a black pentagram tank top with black jeans and his hair in a braid to the side.

They entered the festival, which was taking place at the showgrounds. There was a black mass of people wearing band T-shirts and heavy metal attire. There were various booths set up selling merchandise and street food, such as hamburgers, hot dogs, and fries. A line of blue portable toilets was set up at the back near the tour buses. A stage was set up at the centre with a large banner in white spiked font that read ‘MetallogazmFest ‘85’ across it. The stage backed onto a building where the bands were.

On the stage, a band called ‘MegaSlayer’ played aggressive thrash metal music as the mosh pit went wild. Craig, Bobby, and Veronika were amongst the mosh pit, thrashing around.

Blake: “Ugh. I need coffee.”

He groaned and flicked his gaze over to the vendors.

Blake: “Want some?”

He turned to Andreas. Andreas nodded.

Andreas: “Yes, please! I’ll be right back!”

He kissed his cheek and headed to the bathrooms.

Blake sauntered over to the coffee vendor with the long queue. Damn, everyone else was thinking the same thing, he thought. Veronika sauntered up to Blake with a wide grin.

Veronika: “Hey there, handsome! Come to see me play, huh?”

She grinned smugly, flexing her arms. Blake rolled his eyes at her.

Blake: “No.”

He said tersely. Is this bitch serious? He thought. Veronika pouted.

Veronika: “Oh come on, it’s not like you’re here to see your fatass cousin in that stupid glam metal band!”

She scoffed. Blake froze and glared at her.

Blake: “...What?!”

Veronika: “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me, Blake. I can see why you didn’t want anyone knowing about Brad. I’d be ashamed of him, too! Handsome doesn’t run in the family.”

She draped her arm around him. Blake gaped at her and pulled away from her.

Blake: “Stay out of my business, Veronika!”

He hissed at her.

Veronika: “Kinda hard not to when it rocks up at my doorstep and eats all my food.”

She scoffed and laughed. Blake paused.

Blake: “He’s staying with you?!”

He groaned.

Veronika: “Is that a problem? I can take care of it for you… like I did the other problem.”

She smirked, wrapping her arm around him..

Blake: “What are you talking about?”

He gaped at her, pulling away from her.

Veronika: “You didn’t want Ashley dating Makayla, so I took care of that for you. I didn’t have to do much. All I had to do was kick the dominos Makayla set herself. All it took was a sketchbook.”

She laughed smugly. Blake’s eyes widened when he remembered Ashley telling him about a “Friend in the sunglasses” returning Yvette’s sketchbook to her.

Blake: “That was you?!”

He gaped at her. Veronika grinned proudly and nodded in confirmation.

Veronika: “So, I heard Ashley is dating some rich snobby chef now.”

She locked her gaze on him. Blake frowned and huffed, looking away. Veronika smirked.

Veronika: “I take it from your reaction, you’re not thrilled about this. Perhaps I can take care of that problem for you, too?”

She smirked. Blake sighed, and the music went quiet as the band finished their performance.

Before Blake could respond, Andreas interjected, draping his arm around Blake and locking his gaze on Veronika.

Andreas: “Hey, Veronika, nice of you to come and show support for your brother, Larry. Come on, Blake, let’s watch Lord Kradula Ov Khaos now.”

He deadpanned. Veronika’s face contorted into a scowl.

Veronika: “WHAT?! That FOOL is performing?!”

She shrieked and stormed off. Andreas laughed.

Lurking behind the coffee stall was Makayla. She fumed and shook with rage from the conversation she just heard.

Makayla: “THAT BITCH!”

She hissed, glaring at Veronika as she marched off.

~

A blast-beat drum track played over the speaker, and the stage lights revealed a painted doll house on the stage with a black forest backdrop. A lanky man dressed in a hooded cloak obscuring his face sauntered out onto the stage. The crowd fell silent with curiosity as he unveiled his hood.

He revealed his face, which was full of white makeup with heavy black paint surrounding his eyes to appear corpse-like. Inverted crosses streaked down his cheeks and across his eyebrows. There was a long streak of black paint across his mouth that made him appear like he was perpetually frowning. His red regrowth at the top of his head and red inverted cross contact lenses stood out against his monochrome attire.

Lord Kradula: “Hails from the black abyss of darkness…”

He announced with a croaky, monotone voice, holding up a dead crow in his hand. Andreas groaned and buried his head into his face, shaking his head. Blake patted his shoulder.

Lord Kradula: “I bleakly look up at the blood crimson, frostbitten moon of epitome scarred and defaced darkness. I cast asunder the ravens and serpents that feast on the vile worms. Hails from the abyssic hatred of grave of the lost souls!”

He chanted and hissed like a demon, swishing his cape around the burning doll house. Andreas burst out laughing at him.

Blake: “That’s not how you use the word epitome.”

Andreas rolled his eyes.

Andreas: “He’s just mashing random words together to sound ‘trve kvlt’.”

He huffed. Larry’s cape caught on fire, and the crowd erupted into laughter.

Lord Kradula: "ARGH! SHIT!"

He wailed, dropping to his knees and rolling around on stage, trying to put out the fire.

The emergency team rushed onto the stage, spraying Larry with fire extinguishers. Larry gagged and wheezed as he was covered in the foam. The crowd burst out laughing and cheering.

Andreas: “Well, that’s a tough act to follow.”

He deadpanned. Blake laughed, enderead by his dry humor.

Blake: “Yeah. I feel sorry for the poor band who has to follow THAT.”

He deadpanned along with him.

Andreas: “He had FIRE! How do you top that?”

Blake laughed at his quips and swung his arm around him.

Blake: “Hahaha, I love you!”

He froze and reddened when he realised what he had just said. Andreas’s eyebrows rose, and he smiled widely at him.

Andreas: “Well, looks like you just topped it with the best of the day.”

He quipped, and wrapped his arms around him.

Andreas: “I love you, too.”

He beamed giddily and kissed him. Blake kissed him back.

Blake’s face twisted into a scowl when he looked up at the stage.

Blake: “Looks like Lord Kradula is about to be topped in the worst of the day…”

He nudged Andreas, pointing up at the stage. Andreas looked up and frowned.

They saw Maxx strolling onto the stage dressed in a G-string and aviator sunglasses with elongated pink cowboy boots on his feet.

Maxx: “OWWWWH! MAXXY MALONE OF SEX BEEST IN DA HOUSE!”

He wailed to the crowd as a generic rock backing track played in the background.

‘Vivienne Vivacious’ was standing off to the side of the stage, laughing.

Vivienne: “Wow, we got a circus performer?”

He laughed. Andreas laughed when he thought he was a clown. Blake was not amused by Maxx’s antics.

Maxx: “Guess who’s back, FATLEY?! MAXXY’S BACK!”

He screamed to the crowd, looking around for Ashley. Blake gaped at him.

Maxx: “OWWWH! CUM OUT, YOU BIG FAT LIAR!”

He screamed into the microphone, along with the music tune, looking around for Ashley. Blake glared at Maxx.

Blake: “Ashley isn’t even here, jester fuck!”

He hollered at him. Maxx turned to him and gaped with his jaw wide open.

Maxx: “NAH-AH! DO YOU WANT FRIES WIT DAT OR LIES WIT DAT?! WHERE IS HE?!”

He sang in chaotic off-key notes to the music.

Blake: “I don’t know. They’re probably with that snob. FUCK OFF!”

He hissed at Maxx, throwing his coffee at him. The hot coffee splattered all over his face, burning him. The crowd cheered and laughed.

Maxx: “OWWWWH!”

Andreas: “They’re not here! Get off the stage, asshole!”

He booed at him, throwing his coffee at him, too. The crowd laughed and started joining in, throwing water bottles and tomatoes at Maxx.

Maxx: “OWWWWWH!”

He whined and danced on the stage, trying to dodge their attacks, but it only made people laugh harder.

Celeste was amongst the crowd, looking around for Jaxon, wondering where he was, missing all of this. Where is he? It’s unlike him to bail during something he was looking forward to, Celeste wondered. Makayla looked worried, too, looking around for Brad. Where is my cute piggie?! She wondered.

Vivienne walked out onto the stage, waving his arms around, breaking up the throwing.

Maxx: “OWWWH! IT’S VIVIENNE VIVACIOUS!”

He gasped, starstruck to meet his idol. The crowd went wild, chanting “VV”.

Vivienne: “Get the fuck off my stage.”

He said firmly to Maxx. The crowd laughed. Maxx’s jaw dropped.

Maxx: “W-wha?!”

Vivienne: “You’re disqualified.”

He said tersely, glaring at him. The crowd cheered and applauded.

Maxx: “NAH-AH! I DON’T WANNA BE DISQUALIFIED!”

He whined. The crowd laughed at him.

Vivienne: “Maybe join the circus or something then.”

He quipped. The crowd laughed harder.

Maxx: “NAH-AH! I’M NOT A CLOWN!”

He screamed, stamping his elongated boots that resembled jester boots.

Maxx: “FATLEY TRIED TO MURDER MEEEEE!”

He screamed. Blake’s face twisted into a scowl.

Vivienne: “Everyone here wants to murder you, too, man. Get him out of here.”

He gestured to the security guards. They towered over Maxx, dragging him off the stage, leaving a trail of orange tan.

Maxx: “NOOOAOAAAWWWWW!”

He wailed as they threw him off the stage.

Makayla: “Where’s my piggie?!”

She pouted. Her eyes brightened when she saw Brad approaching with a handful of Voyage Burger.

Makayla: “PIGGIE!”

She gasped, running up to Brad and wrapping her arms around him.

Makayla: “Where were you, cutie pie?”

She smooshed his cheeks.

Brad: “Oh man, I went to the wrong Voyage Burger! There’s like, no burgers there, it’s just haunted by laughing ghosts!”

He laughed.

Celeste: “Has anyone seen Jaxon?”

She asked and embraced herself. Makayla pouted.

Makayla: “No. Who cares?”

Celeste rolled her eyes at Makayla. Whatever, you fat piece of crap, she thought.

Vivinne: “Up next is STEEL AXE!”

He announced. Brad walked out onto the stage, grabbing his turquoise Fender Stratocaster. The drummer sat down behind the drum kit. He had teased red hair and was dressed in black.

Brad: "Hey, where's Jaxon?"

He looked around for him with a worried look on his face.

Brad: “Oh man, am I in another dimension or something where me and Jaxon switched places, and he’s off getting high and flaking instead?!”

He laughed. Makayla sauntered onto the stage and put her arm around him.

Makayla: "Don't worry, piggie. It's OUR time to shine now!"

She walked over to the microphone where Jaxon would have stood.

Makayla: "I have a VERY special announcement to make! Me and Brad are ditching ‘Nuklear Intoxikation’ and ‘Steal Snacks’ and making a new band together!”

She announced, wrapping her arms around Brad.

Brad: “Huh? We are?”

Craig and Veronika gaped at them.

Veronika: “Excuse me, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

She fumed with rage. Craig’s heart sank, and he was too stunned to speak.

Craig: “WHAT?!”

Krystal was among the crowd and glared at Makayla.

Makayla: "We are..."

She strummed her guitar in a galloping motion.

Makayla: "THE ASS-BURGER BERSERKERS!"

She announced and shredded into a riff. Bobby rolled onto the stage and shoved the drummer aside, jumping on the drum kit.

Veronika: “...BOBBY?!”

She shrirked.

Brad strummed on his guitar, playing lead as Makayla took centre stage.

Makayla: "Odin rings, double chins! Frejya fries, fat guys!”

She sang and draped her arm around Brad.

Makayla: "FUCK ME IN THE DRIVE THRU! FUCK ME IN THE DRIVE THRU!"

She screamed as they played the heavy breakdown.

Makayla: "Ragnarok burgers, fat cock burgers! Battered and bruised pancakes, big fat intakes!"

Makayla: "FUCK ME IN THE DRIVE THRU! FUCK ME IN THE DRIVE THRU!”

She screamed and danced around.

Makayla: "My pussy is a feast to ravage, eat like a savage!"

She cooed and kissed Brad.

Celeste rolled her eyes and groaned to look for Jaxon. He’s not here, she thought. I don’t wanna be here with those fat fucks, she mused and left. She recalled Brad saying something about ‘laughing ghosts’ coming from the abandoned Voyage Burger and was going to investigate.

Blake groaned and cupped his mouth, looking like he was going to vomit.

Blake: “I’m going to be fucking sick!”

He gagged. Andreas draped his arm around him.

Andreas: “Let’s go.”

He assured him, and they left.

~

Lazaros sped up to race to the abandoned Voyage Burger. He overheard some people state they heard laughing coming from that place and had to investigate. There was no way Ash would be at that garbage show, he thought. They were kidnapped, he thought as he sped down the highway.

His Ferrari rolled into the abandoned Voyage Burger. The building looked to have been abandoned for a decade. The sands of time had eroded the wood, and paint was peeling off. Jaxon’s 1985 red Toyota Celica pulled up, and Celeste got out of the car.

Celeste: “The fuck are you doin’ here?”

She asked sharply.

Lazaros: “I overheard guests state they heard laughing coming from this place! Ashley is missing!”

He replied, his tone as sharp as hers.

Celeste: “Yeah…, that idiot bandmate of Jax’s said the same. He’s missing, too. This is unlike him.”

She said with unease. They heard laughing coming from inside the building. Celeste’s blood ran cold.

Celeste: “Is… that… Jax?!”

She gasped. Lazaros paused.

Lazaros: “We need a plan!”

Celeste: “FUCK THAT! I’m goin’ in!”

She thundered and ran in.

Lazaros: “Celeste, wait!”

He cried and chased after her.

The inside of the building took them by surprise as it looked to have been remodeled recently. It resembled a Saturday morning cartoon supervillain base. The ‘Varg the Viking’ theme music played on a loop over the speakers inside. There were cardboard cut-outs of Varg the Viking placed all over the diner with a sign that read “VARG ARMY” over them. It looked like someone was living here as there was a bed with a ‘Varg the Viking’ bedspread in the corner of the diner. There were photos of Jaxon taped all over the walls, along with some of Ashley. Celeste gaped at everything.

Celeste: “What the fuck?”

Lazaros: “...Yeah…”

He said as his voice trailed off, trying to process this.

They heard the laughing growing louder from the basement beneath the diner. They entered a dark, stone-cobble room and stumbled upon Ashley tied to a Burger Beserker animatronic as cat massagers were taped to their feet.

Ashley: “HEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHA AHAHA HAHAH OHOHHOHO GOOHOHD NOHOHO!”

They howled over the Varg the Viking theme music blaring over the speakers. They heard someone else laughing, coming from inside a giant cardboard box with ‘Varg the Viking’ tape on it with writing that said “IRON VARG MAIDEN’ scrolled across it.

Jaxon: “HAHAHAH AHAHAHAAHAH NOHOHOHOHOHOHO NOOHOHOHOHO STAAAHP!”

He wailed. A hooded figure tickled Ashley with a feather sword with one hand and Jaxon with the other through the holes in the “Iron Maiden”.

The hooded figure turned around to reveal Yvette. She had her face painted with a red streak down her face as if she were going into a Viking battle.

Yvette: “HOW DID YOU GET PAST MY VARG ARMY?!”

She screamed at Lazaros and Celeste.

Ashley: “HAHAHAHAH LAAAHAHAHAHZAROHOHOHOHOHOS?!”

They gasped between short breaths of laughter as she swiped them with her feather sword.

Yvette: “...YOU!”

She screamed at Celeste, narrowing her eyes into slits, recalling seeing her in ‘Rockstar Fuckers’ She ceased from tickling them and pointed her feather sword at Celeste. Celeste flicked her gaze on her feather sword.

Celeste: “Where? What the fuck is this?”

She asked archly.

Lazaros: “What are you doing with Ashley?!”

He snapped.

Ashley: “LAZAROS!”

They beamed at the sight of him.

Yvette: “I am doing Viking magic to transfer Ashley’s niceness to Jiro-kun so he will marry me!”

She protested. Jaxon glared at her and panted. Ashley gaped at her.

Ashley: “W-What?! Magic doesn’t work that way!”

They panted and shook their head.

Jaxon: “I don’t WANT to marry YOU!”

He snapped at her and glared at her.

Celeste: “Yes, that will work wonders.”

She said dryly.

Celeste: “Now, let him go. His band has been disqualified because of your shenanigans.”

She snapped her fingers.

Jaxon: “Thanks a lot, Nariko.”

He growled and glared at her.

Yvette: “GOOD! Metal is evil!”

She pouted and shook her head disapprovingly.

Celeste: “And Brad left to start some gross burger band with Makayla and some other fat slob.”

She drawled. Jaxon gaped at her. Ashley frowned.

Jaxon: WHAT?!”

Celeste nodded soberly.

Celeste: “Yeah, the flake turns out to be a flake.”

Ashley sighed and shook their head.

Yvette: “HEY! NO FROWNING!”

She taunted Jaxon and Ashley, tickling them with her feather sword again.

Jaxon: “HAHEHEEHEHEH HAAHAHAHAHEH STOOHOHOHOP!”

He snapped at her through laughter.

Ashley: “HAHAHAHAH HOHOHOOHHOHOHOHOHO! NOHOHO! I LOVE VARG’S BIG STOMPY FEEEEEEET!”

They cried and pleaded with her through tears. Yvette stopped and beamed widely at them.

Yvette: “Ah, those words are music to my ears! Your wish is my command! I shall stop to the safety words!”

She withdrew her sword and stopped tickling them.

Yvette: “Why can’t you be a good boy like Ashley, Jiro-Kun?!”

She whined at Jaxon, who panted and glared at her as she tickled him with her sword.

Jaxon: “NOOHOHOHOHOHOHO!”

Ashley: “I’M NOT A BOY!”

They snapped at her, shaking their head to get the plastic Viking helmet off. Yvette gaped at them.

Ashley: “AND I’M NOT A PIGGIE!”

They cried thinking of Makayla.

Ashley: “I’m NEVER going to be those things, so you and Makayla should just LEAVE ME ALONE!”

They cried. Lazaros knit his eyebrows. Yvette paused and stopped tickling Jaxon, fixing her gaze at Ashley.

Yvette: “W-What do you mean you’re not a boy, Ashley?!”

She gaped at them.

Celeste: “Oh, I thought it was obvious. Guess someone needs to pick up the clue phone.”

She said dryly. Jaxon rolled his eyes at Yvette.

Jaxon: “Ring. Ring. Ashley is not a man, and I don’t love you. Duh.”

He mocked her.

Lazaros: “They’re nonbinary! They’re not a man or a woman!”

He said sharply and placed his hands on his hips. Yvette gaped at Ashley.

Yvette: “Awww, dammit!”

She bowed her head in disappointment. Lazaros helped Ashley down and hugged them. Ashley beamed at Lazaros, wrapping their arms around him.

Ashley: “My hero!”

They smiled at him, kissing his cheek. Lazaros reddened.

Yvette: “You can go now! Get out of my den! Have a nice day!”

She chirped at them and pointed to the door as if she were working in customer service. Jaxon pouted.

Jaxon: “I wish she’d say that to me.”

He huffed. Celeste went to release Jaxon. Jaxon sighed with relief, pulling her into a hug.

Jaxon: “My warrior queen!”

She hugged him and deeply kissed him.

Celeste: “Well, your band is disqualified. Wanna do something fun?”

Jaxon sighed.

Jaxon: “Looks like I need a new guitarist or a new band. Let’s get outta here and do something fun for New Year’s.”

He said to her.

Celeste: “I know a guitarist.”

She purred and led him out. Yvette fell to her knees and sobbed.

Yvette: “NOOOOOOOO! My evil Viqueen plans!”

She bawled.

Ashley clung to Lazaros’ chest as they went out to his car.

Lazaros: “I think this calls for some aftercare.”

He smiled. Ashley looked up at him.

Ashley: “Y-Yes, please!”

They said softly, holding him close to them. Lazaros opened the door for them and got into the driver’s side. He started the engine when they got inside. He shifted gears and sped out of there, leaving the abandoned Voyage Burger and Yvette behind.

Ashley: “I’m sorry for all this, Lazaros!”

They sighed and embraced themself.

Lazaros: “You have nothing to be sorry for, Ash! Don’t fret! I was worried about you, but I will make everything all better!”

He reassured them. Ashley smiled a bit.

Ashley: “Aww, you were worried about me?! You always make everything better, Lazaros!”

They beamed, holding their hand to their chest.

Lazaros: “Of course! Let’s go home.”

He said as he drove off, and they sped off into the sunset.